We have lived in Ohio for a year now, well sometime this month. It is insane to think about our life before moving. We were living in a rougher apartment, though having two bedrooms was a step up from our newlywed tiny place. It was located in the heart of a refugee community in Louisville. We purposely moved there to minster to and do life with refugees. We were there almost two years and I can honestly say besides the relationships and incredible Louisville cuisine, I do not find myself missing KY much. I do think it is the fact I am a born and raised Tennessee girl. I cannot find one bad thing to say about it! I tell people I grew up in Nashville because no one would know where Greenbrier is and downtown was only about 20 minutes away so same thing right? Right. Therefore, I am from a small town where they recently installed a second red light between Sonic and the Guns and Leather store and where it is an excused tardy from school if you get caught by the train or behind a cattle crossing. That life was really all I knew until moving to Louisville. I did not know there was such a place where the lanes you drove in changed depending on the street lights above them or that there were over 100 schools in one district. All this to say, moving to Ohio did not seem all that bad once I saw the town we were going to be in. It too is tiny, even tinier than home. I felt more at ease knowing this was a taste of Tennessee, minus the fact the weather here is atrocious. (That is a story for another time!) We did not know what all life would give us being here and away from family. We did not know I would be working at a great school or that Joel would be working construction while managing youth at our church. We also did not know that we would be given the best gift we would have ever dreamed, Jude. With that gift, we did not know he would be taken so quickly, without us getting to see him grow or make memories with him.
So, in this time of us and me learning how I am not in control of any of this (which is very hard for my personality), I am finding new ways to heal, to grow, and to feel him close to me. This is a time where I am so thankful to be where I am. I am not around friends or family to constantly lean on. This has given me a challenge but a challenge of growth within myself. I am able to think and grow with time and with God in a way I have never been able to before. It is in these moments I feel Jude. I feel him being okay. I know he is in Heaven and he is okay. For me, knowing that I will see him again gets me through a day. I may not be okay for that whole day because my faith does not ease my pain, it simply lets me know I have the hope of the gospel to get me through until the day of eternal glory. So take moments and get quiet and grow, feel, cry, scream but know you’re not alone and you can do this.
Last night, we went fishing at the lake. We did not catch a thing and we broke 3 lines but it was so peaceful. It allowed me to see that I AM going to be okay. We are going to be okay. And, I cannot wait to fish in Heaven with our Jude.
Find these moments and know, YOU ARE going to be OKAY.
A Place for J.U.D.E 